A Moment of Honesty

 

A Moment of Honesty (1)

Over the past two weeks, while we were taking a much needed break, I thought countless times of stopping. Of not blogging anymore. Of just up and leaving and taking another unintentional break for maybe forever. Even though I promised we would be back.

Don’t get me wrong. I love blogging. I love writing. I love that The Husband and I do this together. I love the community here and all of the lovely bloggers I’ve been fortunate to “meet.”

But being a blogging mom is hard. Time trickles away faster than they fall in an hourglass. In the first week alone, my kids refused to nap, refused to sleep in their beds, refused to sleep at night, refused to sleep anywhere but on me. There was one night my daughter absolutely refused to sleep in her crib and cried whenever we tried to put her down. Needless to say, neither of us got anything done except playtime with the kids. During the second week, our toddler slept wonderfully, but his sister was sick with a fluctuating temperature for two days while also teething with 3-4 teeth trying to pop out.

Finding time to blog isn’t easy. It takes an amazing amount of commitment to just keep doing it. As I watched my minutes and hours slip away, those precious approximate 3-4 hours I get a day to myself (which includes after we’ve finally gotten the kids to bed at night), I find myself wondering why I keep doing it. But I know why. I plain love it. The fact remains, though, that time is limited. And when the kids won’t sleep, there is no time. Just crying, overactive, exhausted children.

So, yes, I thought many times of just not coming back. I wasn’t getting anything written. I wasn’t really getting anything done. I had hoped to get the branding done a good two days before it was actually done. Before July, I’d had dreams of getting the rest of the summer’s content written and at least mildly pretty and interesting graphics for each post done. Not happening. Probably won’t ever be happening. The days of last December when my kids religiously took their naps every day and went to bed on time are over. Of course they are. They’re growing up and I’m rapidly coming face to face with the fact that my oldest is 4 and preparing to go to Kindergarten next year.

But we’re back. Even though I have no time, even though I wonder why I keep going, I always remember this is something I love, something I missed when I took my unintentional break, something I need for me because I am not one of those moms who can be solely focused on her children. Perhaps I’ll take more intentional breaks. Perhaps I won’t post as often. Perhaps I’ll miss days here and there. But I’m not going to stop blogging. This is my space, and The Husband’s, and we really do enjoy writing.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be watching the sands drop like stones and wonder how I’ll manage when my first baby leaves for school next year. Sometimes he drives me nuts, but I’ll miss his incessant, “Mama! Mama! Mama! Look!” Silence makes me miss him. And when my daughter doesn’t cry for me at night, sometimes I wake up and try to keep myself from prodding her awake just so I can hold her before she turns 4, too.

11 Comments

  • bitsanddragons

    I know it’s a little off topic, but your feeling of ownership of this blog reminds me that I am renting a space on something called “blogosphere”. Maybe you bought the space. But I didn’t. If you bought it, this (cyber)space is “yours”: you can also use it to rest, so to say. Just stay there and look at what the others are doing is nice, from time to time. If you leave, we’re going to miss you, but *also* we could try to call you back…by leaving a message 🙂

    • kat

      Haha! Messages do have a way of making me feel guilty. I am fortunate that I also rent my space free of charge, so there would be no guilt of leaving and wasting money. I very much enjoyed being more of a reader for the past 2 weeks. It was quite fun to just enjoy with no internal pressure to also add more content to the community. Your words resonant very deeply with me, and perhaps I’ll benefit from a looser posting schedule. Thank you so much!

  • stolzyblog

    I think it is perfectly okay to allow longer periods to go by before feeling a truly urgent inspiration to write something. You could go into mostly reading and commenting mode for awhile too, that’s another option requiring less activity. My son is constantly inspiring me, but if I wrote half of the stuff down which his presence brings up I would be sleepless. 🙂

    • kat

      So very true! I had quite a lot of fun reading and tinkering around with ideas of get the past 2 weeks. Unfortunately, past experience has taught me that if I back away from writing and posting, I’ll end up leaving, but backing off periodically is an excellent idea. Sleep, after all, should be more important!

    • kat

      Thank you! It’s funny how summer always seems so busy (weird for me because neither of my kids is in school so literally the only change is the temperature). I feel like you, that there’s no time for anything. I suppose it just comes down to deciding to do something, and some things are more important than others, like raising small humans instead of blogging!

  • brookejcutler

    It’s so good to see you back, Kat! I hear you. Every word. And yes. You’ll always be back. Just like I always come back, lol. I’d have to be the least predictable blogger in the entire world, but I just know I can’t commit to a daily or weekly schedule as things stand with the whole busy Mumming business. And, I have to admit, although my readers probably go a little batty with wondering where I’ve gotten too sometimes, it feels right to give myself permission to post just whenever the universe gives me the nod. ☺️I’m sure you’ll fall back into a schedule that works for you guys! Goodluck! xx

    • kat

      There’s just something so tempting about blogging that makes it hard to completely give up. I dearly adore your posts and always devour them too quickly, so I wouldn’t mind if you posted more often, if not regularly, but I truly get life with kids! Well, really, just life. But life will always give us interesting stories for us to turn share here. I look forward to your next post, and thank you so much!

    • kat

      It really is! But there’s also something rewarding about blogging and contributing to a community. On the other hand, we could use a few more hours in the day to do everything.

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