Over the past two weeks, while we were taking a much needed break, I thought countless times of stopping. Of not blogging anymore. Of just up and leaving and taking another unintentional break for maybe forever. Even though I promised we would be back.
Don’t get me wrong. I love blogging. I love writing. I love that The Husband and I do this together. I love the community here and all of the lovely bloggers I’ve been fortunate to “meet.”
But being a blogging mom is hard. Time trickles away faster than they fall in an hourglass. In the first week alone, my kids refused to nap, refused to sleep in their beds, refused to sleep at night, refused to sleep anywhere but on me. There was one night my daughter absolutely refused to sleep in her crib and cried whenever we tried to put her down. Needless to say, neither of us got anything done except playtime with the kids. During the second week, our toddler slept wonderfully, but his sister was sick with a fluctuating temperature for two days while also teething with 3-4 teeth trying to pop out.
Finding time to blog isn’t easy. It takes an amazing amount of commitment to just keep doing it. As I watched my minutes and hours slip away, those precious approximate 3-4 hours I get a day to myself (which includes after we’ve finally gotten the kids to bed at night), I find myself wondering why I keep doing it. But I know why. I plain love it. The fact remains, though, that time is limited. And when the kids won’t sleep, there is no time. Just crying, overactive, exhausted children.
So, yes, I thought many times of just not coming back. I wasn’t getting anything written. I wasn’t really getting anything done. I had hoped to get the branding done a good two days before it was actually done. Before July, I’d had dreams of getting the rest of the summer’s content written and at least mildly pretty and interesting graphics for each post done. Not happening. Probably won’t ever be happening. The days of last December when my kids religiously took their naps every day and went to bed on time are over. Of course they are. They’re growing up and I’m rapidly coming face to face with the fact that my oldest is 4 and preparing to go to Kindergarten next year.
But we’re back. Even though I have no time, even though I wonder why I keep going, I always remember this is something I love, something I missed when I took my unintentional break, something I need for me because I am not one of those moms who can be solely focused on her children. Perhaps I’ll take more intentional breaks. Perhaps I won’t post as often. Perhaps I’ll miss days here and there. But I’m not going to stop blogging. This is my space, and The Husband’s, and we really do enjoy writing.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be watching the sands drop like stones and wonder how I’ll manage when my first baby leaves for school next year. Sometimes he drives me nuts, but I’ll miss his incessant, “Mama! Mama! Mama! Look!” Silence makes me miss him. And when my daughter doesn’t cry for me at night, sometimes I wake up and try to keep myself from prodding her awake just so I can hold her before she turns 4, too.