Gates to Asphodel

Once upon a time I used to participate in NaNoWriMo. I stopped last year, but that’s a different story. It’s posted on here somewhere… Anyways, I’m definitely not participating at this point in time since my kid will be four months old by the time November rolls around. So, why am I even writing this?

Once upon a time I wrote Gates to Asphodel for NaNo. I haven’t touched it since, not even to start edits. But I like the story and I’d like to do something with it. I may edit it a little, but that depends on how much time my son gives me. Instead, I’m just asking for comments and general feedback.

People around four-year-old Corey mysteriously die, brutally murdered. When her adoptive parents are killed, the detective on the case, the interestingly named Skyler Zeus Adams, and his wife take her in as they puzzle through the mysterious deaths. Initially, they believe those close to Corey are out to kill the people around her. But when someone breaks into her room, he is killed. Something is protecting the girl from those who would wish her harm, something that is trying to get her back to the home she belongs in.

Ah, Greek mythology. My absolute favorite.

  1. andrewknighton

    Interesting idea – shades of Supernatural and similar shows and books, but with the detective’s name hinting at something more mythological. I’m curious – who’s the central protagonist of the story? Your description starts with Corey, but I imagine that writing this with a four-year-old protagonist would be tricky.

    • katpersephone

      This story is a bit of a mess, which is why I’m seeking feedback, but Corey is the central character. She’s very, very odd for a young child, so it kind of works. Maybe. Funny you should mention Supernatural. I just started watching a few months ago and now that I think of it, it does seem like it might fit in.

  2. Molly Mortensen

    I love your concept! I’m a huge fan of Greek mythology too. I know how Nano goes, I did it last year (and haven’t touched it since either). I hope you have time to work on this story. I read fourteen until Andrew’s comment. Yeah, that would be tough writing for a four year old, not impossible though. I think I’d like fourteen better, but then again I read books for that age group all of the time. (Don’t let me influence you.) After you get it edited a bit I’d love to read some of this! 🙂

    • katpersephone

      I really hope to do something with it since I love Greek mythology so much, but it’s really a mess. Typical of NaNo! I hadn’t thought of changing the age since I imagined a very strange little girl, but maybe that might work. Any feedback you have would be wonderful!

    • andrewknighton

      I think that Molly’s idea of going for an older age is a good one. That way you’ve got a protagonist who can more realistically act independently, express coherent thoughts and feelings about their situation, and even take control of events. Added bonus – people are quite used to teenage protagonists at the moment, so there’s definitely a readership for it.

      • katpersephone

        It’s definitely something to think about. She is about nine for most of the story, but I do toy with the idea of making her older. It would, at least, give me the opportunity to make her more than just a little weird. Any other feedback you may have would be greatly appreciated!

  3. jennifermzeiger

    The snapshot you have here definitely catches my interest=)

    Couple thoughts if you want to use this in a query letter later on…

    “the interestingly named Skyler Zeus Adams” – probably don’t need to say ‘the interestingly named’. Zeus is a big enough greek myth that a reader should pick up on the reference.

    “But when someone breaks into her room, he is killed.” Something about this sentence made me stop to read it a second time, just to make sure I understood it correctly. Perhaps go for a more active voice by avoiding ‘is’.

    Just some thoughts. I’d love to read the story. Best of luck in editing it=)

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