I Am A Perfect Mom

she is a

It’s true. I am. And, odds are, you are, too.

But that’s impossible! The perfect mom, that supermom, she is unattainable!

Is she? Is she really?

What is a perfect mom?

The perfect mom is always presentable with absolutely adorable, presentable children who are always on their best behavior. She has her life together and can do anything and everything. She has magic in her fingertips.

She can make cookies in a pinch.

She can get her kids to say please and thank you while smiling sweetly.

She is always perfectly dressed and has every hair in place.

Her kids are neat and clean and never have a public meltdown.

Her home is magazine-worthy.

Her marriage has never been stronger.

I could go on, but why bother? I think we all get the point. The perfect mom is a freaking unicorn.

But this picture of a perfect mom is a lie

It is! It was crafted by us, the moms, and maybe a few dads. Some grandparents? May as well throw in some aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.

The perfect mom is basically a social construction. The crazy part is, it was created by us. We crafted this woman so we can never measure up. She exists because we imagined her so.

As a mom, we think we have to have it together 24/7/365(366). We have to be flawless, otherwise our children will suffer.

The funniest thing is, I’ve read countless mom posts about how perfection is over-rated and how they’re not a perfect mom. Why have we bothered to create something we now denounce?

I am a perfect mom, and so are you

It’s true.

Think of it this way.

We already know the perfect mom was crafted by us moms. We see each other and think we see perfection elsewhere. We see ourselves and only focus on how to improve.

But look at your babies instead. We may be the mom, we are the ones who see other moms. But whose mom are we?

That little darling right over there calls us “mama.” That little darling is who we are a mother to. Shouldn’t we be asking what perfection is in their eyes? After all, they call us mom.

I am a perfect mom because my children are happy and healthy. They have fun, they have tears. They run around and jump, they run around and fall. They laugh, they scream. But they always come running to my arms, ready for some snuggles, love, and happy words. They feel secure with me, so I am a perfect mom, their perfect mom.

I know I am a perfect mom even though my home gets messy, my clothes are sometimes stained, my daughter’s dress shows everything she attempted to eat, my son’s hair is a mess because he runs from combs (literally), dinner may or may not be happening, and sometimes I just want to scream at my husband.

But I know I am perfect because my children deem me so.

Are your children happy? Do they come running to you? Do they feel secure with you? Yes? Then you, fair lady, are a perfect mom.

 

P.S. Life is supposed to be messy. It’s more fun that way, don’t you think?

25 Comments

    • kat

      Exactly! With so much mom shaming and the pressure to do and be everything, our kids and their needs and happiness get lost in the shuffle. I think that as long as the kids are happy, we’re doing just fine. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

  • Shannon

    In reality being a perfect mom is allowing the imperfections to shine through to show just how strong you truly are. There are so many days I forget I donโ€™t have to be this one image that we as a society have created and that my imperfection is good enough for the littles who rely on me to survive. This is what makes me perfect, their love for me. You are so right and this is why I love reading mom blogs because I find the real in moms that look so much like me. Thanks!

    • kat

      This is so true. It’s a constant war between wanting to be that picture perfect mom and realizing we are already that to our kids. Always remember you are a perfect mom! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

  • mrsmotherdirt

    I agree that there is no such thing as a perfect mom, just a lot of really amazing and awesome women who also happen to be moms ๐Ÿ™‚. I think the media and advertising created the โ€˜perfectโ€™ mom so we would all feel bad and run the rat race to compete and spend our money and time on this false ideal. Motherhood is actually pretty simple and I need a shirt that says #momhairdontcare ! ๐Ÿ˜˜

    • kat

      Yes, absolutely! The image has been curated just to make us feel like terrible people and I wonder what the effect is on the kids who have a mother who is constantly chasing the unattainable ideal. You’re right; it is simple. Dealing with kids is exhausting, but raising them is really easy as long as we focus on raising happy, healthy children instead of chasing a dream. And I so need that shirt, too!

  • Cindi Stevens

    So very true! The perfect mom is the mom who is free to think, feel, say, and do exactly as she chooses in terms of what is best (healthy, safe, etc.) for her own children.

    • kat

      Yes, exactly! With so much mom shaming it’s so easy for the children’s needs to get lost in the shuffle. I hope that every parent can realize they are perfect just by doing whatever they can to raise their children as they see fit. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

  • coffeepjsmom

    Love this! What a great reminder that we don’t have to strive to be the “perfect mom”. We just need to love our family with all our hearts! Beautiful post! Welcome back by the way! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • kat

      Thank you so much! The perfect mom is a dream that is best left as a dream. Our children are our reality and it’s our job as their parent to care for them in the ways they need. Besides, who would want to grow up in a sparkling clean home they can’t even play in?

  • bitsanddragons

    Are your children happy? Do they come running to you? Do they feel secure with you?
    Yes yes yes. It looks like I’m a perfect mom ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€
    Nah, just joking. We are two sides of the same coin, moms and dads. I will never be able to provide the same feeling the mom is giving. *Never*. But I am there (I was there) at a similar level if requested…saving the biological differences, of course. And I’m happy of it!

    • kat

      Well, as a mom, I write from a mom perspective (and become very frustrated with mom shaming and the pressure moms put on themselves to be flawless), but, really, and parent can be perfect. Besides, there are plenty of children who prefer dad over mom. I think that if the children are happy, then mom and dad are doing something right and are just perfect for their babies.

  • Connie

    Hi Kat,
    I love this post! The title is so clever, it made me curious about your post almost immediately to want to read it. And I’m glad I did. Indeed so many moms feel guilty because they’re not perfect but in reality they are absolute heroines in the eyes of their kids. I don’t know whether dad guilt is as pronounced among single dads or involved dads but if it is not, I won’t be surprised for how often do women beat themselves up? A LOT!
    We’re always after a sort of fantasy figure. I read a book that quoted a wise mom saying women are always subject to unreasonable demands. In the Victorian era where food was scarce the ideal was to look plump while right now where food is almost too easy to get, we want to starve ourselves into stick insects! Of course, when you’re struggling with the everyday challenges of being a mom you’ll only see your failures and dismiss too easily where you succeed! Too easy. We’ve all been there. I hope more moms get to read this post. Not moms on Twitter cos it’ll be preaching to the converted but moms outside of Twitter. One can always hope right?
    Connie
    http://www.sassy.mom

    • kat

      Thank you so much for your comment, Connie! It’s absolutely ridiculous the standards moms, and others, hold them to. It makes it seem like there’s only one way to raise children, but ignores the fact that every child is different, making their needs different from every other child. Moms can only do so much and always have to keep their child’s needs in mind, which makes mom shaming and mom guilt unreasonable things for moms to have to experience, yet they do every day. That book absolutely nails it on the head. Women are always on the losing end, which impacts the children we try so hard to raise well. How can we raise them when we’re so busy worrying about whether or not we’re doing the right thing? In my eyes, a mom is perfect if her children are loved and happy. I certainly hope that this message can reach more moms, and non-moms. Thank you so much for reading, and always remember you are a perfect mom!

    • kat

      Thanks! I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I just feel sad when moms write about how they’re failing and instead making do with being okay at it when in actuality parenthood is tough for everyone, but if the kids are happy then we’re doing an excellent job. Enjoy your perfect mom life!

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