If you missed Part 14, all you need to know is I unexpectedly went into preterm labor at a day shy of 35 weeks. The next 6 days were a huge blur and kind of chaotic, so, since I kind of want to preserve that memory for my kids, this next part will be a bit chaotic. While my darling newborn was under observation in the NICU, I was moved to a room that I was told was the closest to the nursery. I didn’t leave the room until the day I was discharged, though. The bleeding that comes after giving birth was supposed to taper down to something akin…
-
-
Finding Magic in Motherhood, Part 13: The Final Weeks
Once my secret was out, I was able to, er, enjoy pregnancy in all its glory. Which is just the nice way of saying the constant hunger, hot flashes, back pain, and Braxton-Hicks were fun. Of course, I didn’t complain much. For one, this little boy was a gift following my miscarriage and was sorely wanted. For another, I was too busy studying for my comprehensive exams to pay much attention to being pregnant. Oh, yes, I had to take a series of 2 hour tests over 3 days while 7 months pregnant and battling forgetfulness in order to earn my Master’s Degree. My friends were my saving graces. If I hadn’t…
-
Finding Magic in Motherhood, Part 12: The Relief That Came From Telling My Secret
I was always afraid that, because I’m skinny and petite, I would start showing early on. I was lucky winter went on and on into March that year since my warmer, winter specific dresses tended to be looser than my summer dresses. My closet was also full of colorful scarves my mom had made me over the years, which made it easier to shift attention to my neck. Between them and my coat, no one who didn’t already know knew. Originally, I had intended on telling my classmates once I passed the 12 week mark, but, having miscarried, I was afraid I would lose this, too, if I shared my…
-
Finding Magic in Motherhood, Part 9: The Moment of Truth
The day of our 8 week ultrasound was cold and sunny with a thick layer of snow on the ground. Even though it had stopped snowing, my husband’s place of work was closed for the day. I can’t tell you how grateful I was because, two weeks before, we thought he would be going back to work the day after we got back from California. If he had gone back to work, we would have had to wait a little longer for the 8 week ultrasound. I would have had to wait longer for my worry to ease a little. I was terrified there wouldn’t actually be a baby in…
-
Finding Magic in Motherhood Part 5: The Miscarriage
In all the plans my husband and I formulated, we never even considered miscarriage. We knew it existed, but didn’t know much beyond that. There wasn’t a history of miscarriage in my family that we knew of. My mom had never miscarried. There was no reason for me to think it would happen to me. I didn’t know it just happens, and there’s no telling who will miscarry and when. The Early Excitement Our plan worked flawlessly. We used ovulation tests, waited the two weeks, and then tested on a chosen day. We got a faint pink line, but a line was a line. No matter how faint, it meant…
-
The One Thing Having Kids Taught Me About the Human Body (That I Probably Should Have Known)
I love that my kids are always learning and exploring and teaching me new things all the time. Their endless questions keep my brain working and Google functioning. Now, I know the human body must grow as the child ages. I know they can’t stay little forever no matter how much I want them to. We track how tall they’re getting. We marvel at how big their heads grow. We watch as their limbs stretch longer. Their little baby angel faces morph and their personalities shine through, evident in the naughty smile and glint in the eye. But it wasn’t until my little girl opened her mouth one day and…
-
Smile: My Miscarriage Story (Repost)
As October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, I am reposting my miscarriage story, which was originally posted on March 26, 2018. My son was born 4 years ago, before “rainbow baby” was a commonly used term. I certainly hadn’t heard of it until he was 1. Even though he is a rainbow baby, I have a hard time thinking of him in that way. He isn’t my rainbow. He is something else altogether. I remember our excitement when we finally determined it was time to start trying for our first baby. I was lucky; it happened on the first try. But the test line was so faint…but…
-
Breastfeeding My 16 Month Old is Like Nursing a Baby Cow
Well, not exactly, but close enough! Recently, my daughter and I went to the county fair with my son and his class. She had a blast looking at all the animals and calling them all kitty. He…not so much. My son may be interested in science, but animals and insects and plants have no appeal to him. He’s more of a space and gravity and robotics guy. But he did manage to be more interested in the milking demonstration. Probably because he didn’t have to get anywhere close to the cow. Guess I’m not looking at a future vet. For now, at least. I have to admit, as a nursing…
-
Breastfeeding, Perfected (a repost)
If you’ve been following along for the past week, you know my family has been hit hard by death. Because of this, I’ve been absent from blogging and the Internet, so have just recently realized it World Breastfeeding Week. As a breastfeeding mom, I decided to repost my breastfeeding journey, with an updated version. The original can be found here. Long before I had children I promised my mom one thing. I promised her I would breastfeed. So, when my son came, formula wasn’t even something my husband and I discussed. I was actually devastated when he did have to be given formula for the first six days. He was…
-
Not Having a Birth Plan Made Me Less Anxious
When I was pregnant with my first baby, I knew what a birth plan was. I knew what went into one and that many women have them. In theory. When I was pregnant with my first, I was a busy graduate student attending classes, trying to get through my practicum placement that required me to do psychological testing with college students and write up reports, study for my comprehensive exams, and get through a daily pile of class readings. To say I didn’t have much time to enjoy pregnancy is an understatement. There were times when I almost forgot! Until, you know, ligament pains, nausea, headaches, and the Braxton Hicks…
