Tea Party, Act 1, Scene 6

Scene Six: Amelia’s backyard. A large, round table is set up between to flower beds.

Beatrice: Tea! Someone get the tea!

Amelia: (staring at Beatrice as though she has lost her mind) The teapot is on the table.

Beatrice: Oh, okay. What about the pie?

Patience: It’s inside with Amelia’s cookies, Calvin’s cake, Rupert’s brownies, and my fudge.

Calvin: Okay. Rupert, come help me.

Amelia: I’ll go, too.

Amelia, Calvin, and Rupert exit. They return a minute later with a plate of cookies, the pie, the cake, a platter of brownies, and a pile of fudge.

Patience: I hope they taste as good as they look.

Amelia: I’m sure it will. Beatrice’s pie ought to be good. She always makes the best pies!

Beatrice: (shrugs) I’d rather eat it.

Patience pours the tea while they pass along the food.

Rupert: So, what will we walk about today?

Calvin: Let’s talk about weapons of mass destruction.

Patience: (horrified) No! This is a tea party. We will be civilized and not talk of such things. Instead, let’s talk about what we’ve been doing.

Rupert: I would rather talk about nuclear war, but I suppose Amelia won’t like that since this is her tea party.

Amelia: Yes, this is my party. And weapons will not be discussed!

Calvin: Even if it’s interesting?

Beatrice: Yes! Tea parties require good manners, which neither of you have!

Rupert: Stop yelling at us, Beatrice!

Beatrice: Okay, but it’s true.

Calvin: Then why did you invite us?

Amelia: Because you two are our friends, of course.

Rupert: Sure. We really want to be at a tea party. Cal, we just had to become friends with three of the strangest girls.

Calvin: (nodding) Something must be wrong with us. But you have to admit the food is good.

Patience: The food is all sugar! Of course it’s good.

Amelia: So, what will we talk about? And no, we’re not going to talk about war, weapons, or nuclear power. How about…birds?

Patience: (remembering her dream) I hate birds. They’re so…so dirty.

Beatrice: Oh, Pat, stop being so prim and proper.

Patience: (sniffs indignantly) That’s just the way I was brought up.

Beatrice: Well, okay. Just don’t always act like that.

Patience: (shrugs) Sure. Let’s talk about what we’ve been doing.

Calvin: Okay. I’ve been studying the use of nuclear—

Amelia: Stop it, Calvin! I said—

Calvin: (laughing) I know what you said! Okay, okay, I’ll stop.

Amelia: Good. Now. I’ve been helping my cousin get ready for her wedding.

Beatrice: Really? Your cousin’s getting married? When?

Amelia: Two weeks. She’s really excited—

Amelia is cut off by a loud boom as a bomb drops over them and they all die.

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