Last year, or maybe the year before, my husband took us to see a film at our Natural History Museum. I don’t really remember which one it was or what it was about, but I do remember something about one type of dolphin. They live in not quite friendly waters, where the waves are large and a bit dangerous. But they thrive in it. They can be seen jumping and playing and having fun. As dangerous as their home may be, they still prefer to have fun.
For a long time, I would think about them and motherhood. Being a mom isn’t easy, but, if dolphins can live with a bit of danger and still have fun, then I can be a mom who can still be fun. When things get tough with my kids, I think of those dolphins and think, if they can live like that and still be fun-loving, so can I. Then I’ll put on a smile and do silly things. And watch my kids light up. Somehow, it makes everything easier.
But, now, I’ve been thinking of it in a different way: how it might apply to my blog. I adore my blog. I don’t actually know what I would do without it anymore. Sadly, it stopped being fun. I let all the fun leach out of me. I think I’ve found a way to make myself happy again, but it’s going to require some changes.
During this past 6 week cycle, I wrote about the days after my oldest was born for my Finding Magic in Motherhood series. Recently, I typed up the next part, the one that details the first 6 weeks of his life. Then I started thinking of what happened next, and what happened after that, and then what happened after that. I realized what I wanted to talk about, what I planned to talk about, wasn’t for me to talk about. It’s his life, things that happened to him, things we as his parents did to him to teach and care for him. It’s not my story to tell. As he’s gotten older (almost 6 now), I’ve come to see he’s actually a very private person. He shies away from even telling his dad about some of the things he did during the day. So I don’t feel right sharing his life beyond what I’ve already shared. I’m sad to say good bye to my Finding Magic in Motherhood series, because I have found the magic, but I can’t invade my children’s privacy. It doesn’t feel right to me. As their mother, protecting them and guarding them is one of my most important jobs.
This isn’t to say I won’t ever talk about my kids or about parenting, but, between not wanting to expose my kids too much and wanting to have more fun (writing about being a mom hasn’t been fun for a long time), I’ve decided to semi-retire the Mother’s Corner. It’ll still be open, parents will be invited to wander through, but I won’t be adding to it as often.
Going forward after my break next week, I’ll be focusing more on books and baking because, outside of being a mom, those are the things I most enjoy doing. I’ll still be posting my Queen of the Garden of Girls story, though. I also hope to add more stories once I finish it, whenever that is. I also have an idea I’m really excited about percolating in my head, but I need to sort out a tech issue first, so it might be longer than I’d like before it’s introduced. But, in the meantime, any parenting posts will probably be more along the lines of my Safer at Home Order Journal, a way for me to share what’s going on in the world with my kids and how it might be impacting us, or just to say, “when you were this old, this is what happened and this is what we did.” Like they’re 3 and 5.5 and we’re stuck at home because of COVID-19.
I’m sure all of my long-time followers don’t find this surprising in the slightest. I’m known for changing my mind. It’s all about just trying to find and keep my happy place here, and being true to me. And maybe a little bit about actually wanting to be a dolphin. After all, one of my siblings couldn’t pronounce my name when we were really young and called me “Dolphin.”